Ok...the holidays are OVER!!!!
You are tired... the house is probably a mess...recovering from xmas and new years...and now its time to open some of the toys that your child forgot about!
Prepare!!!
Heres what you will need!
scissors
nail clippers
screwdriver
trash bag
motrin or something like that...
My least favorite toy this year was the Ninja Turtle with his kick ass skateboard!
Step 1 calm Dakota down and tell him ok I will open it but it isn't going to be fast or easy!
Step 2 with scissors cut opened the main box and remove the next box that actually contains the toy!
Step 3 flip box and toy to the back and look at what you will need to cut thru in order to get the damn thing out of the package!
NOTE: if there is an earthquake...explosion... if a nuclear bomb goes off shortly after a tank runs over this toy... you can bet that this toy will be securly strapped to its box and unharmed!
Now that you can all sleep better.... i will take you to...
Step 4
with nail clippers...snip the twisty wire around the turtles head
snip the twisty wire around the neck
snip the twisty wire around the rt arm
snip the twisty wire around the rt wrist
snip the twisty wire around the lt arm
snip the twisty wire around the lt wrist
snip the twisty wire around the waist
Step 5: TAKE A BREAK!
explain to your child that you are almost done and you are moving as fast as you can!!
Step 6: continue with lower half of turtle
snip the twisty wire around the rt thigh
snip the twisty wire around the rt ankle
snip the twisty wire around the lt thigh
snip the twisty wire around the rt thigh
Step 7: SET THE TURTLE FREE!!!!
Step 8:
snip twisty wire around weapon
repeat with 2nd weapon
Step 9: the skateboard
snip twisty wire from rt front wheel
snip twisty wire from lt front wheel
snip twisty wire from middle of board
snip twisty wire from lt back wheel
snip twisty wire from rt back wheel
YAY!! you did it!
Step 10: explain that the skateboard isnt going to work until you put batteries in it! Hear your child beg for you to hurry because he needs the skateboard!
Step 11: Sacrifice some batteries from something of yours since the damn thing doesnt come with free ones!
Step 12:
get screwdriver...
unscrew about 2 to 4 screws depending on toy
insert batteries~!
reinstall the cover by screwing the screws back in!
Step 13: hand over the battery loaded toy to the overly anxious toy.
Step 14: sit down! relax!
Step 15: help your child because he cant get the 2 lb turtle to stand up on this little skateboard!
attach turtles feet to the 2 tiny pegs on the board...
turn on
set the toy down and watch it go 2 feet before the way too heavy turtle falls off of the board that is going way too fast for any kid to play with!
Step 16: try again! you kid hasnt given up just yet!
Step 17: watch your kid get pissed off because he still cant keep the turtle on the board and he cant catch the damn thing before it crashes into a wall.
Step 18: sit down again...take some motrin or a shot or whatever you do to calm your nerves/headache!
Step 19: reclaim your batteries and put toy in closet since it sucks and your kid is now over it! (this will require the screwdriver again)
Step 20: just as you sit down...kick your feet up and notice that your favorite show is on tv....look over to see what the heck your kid is talking about now...
Step 21: get your tools back out cause heres the new monster truck! UGHHHHH
you might be tired... you might hate the toy companies for making it so hard to get the dang toys out of the boxes!!! But...you will look at your kid and see those puppy dog eyes and you will miss your favorite show and make your achin bones wait another hour before they can rest ...and you will repeat all the necessary steps to get the next toy out...
WHY???
eventually when all the excitement dies down you will have a little person climbing onto your lap...little arms will wrap around your neck and hear i love you from your favorite little voice.,..and it will all be worth it!!!!
You're the best!
