Twist Ties and Nail clippers...

Ok...the holidays are OVER!!!!

You are tired... the house is probably a mess...recovering from xmas and new years...and now its time to open some of the toys that your child forgot about!

Prepare!!!
Heres what you will need!
scissors
nail clippers
screwdriver
trash bag
motrin or something like that...

My least favorite toy this year was the Ninja Turtle with his kick ass skateboard!

Step 1 calm Dakota down and tell him ok I will open it but it isn't going to be fast or easy!

Step 2 with scissors cut opened the main box and remove the next box that actually contains the toy!

Step 3 flip box and toy to the back and look at what you will need to cut thru in order to get the damn thing out of the package!
NOTE: if there is an earthquake...explosion... if a nuclear bomb goes off shortly after a tank runs over this toy... you can bet that this toy will be securly strapped to its box and unharmed!
Now that you can all sleep better.... i will take you to...

Step 4
with nail clippers...snip the twisty wire around the turtles head
snip the twisty wire around the neck
snip the twisty wire around the rt arm
snip the twisty wire around the rt wrist
snip the twisty wire around the lt arm
snip the twisty wire around the lt wrist
snip the twisty wire around the waist

Step 5: TAKE A BREAK!
explain to your child that you are almost done and you are moving as fast as you can!!

Step 6: continue with lower half of turtle
snip the twisty wire around the rt thigh
snip the twisty wire around the rt ankle
snip the twisty wire around the lt thigh
snip the twisty wire around the rt thigh

Step 7: SET THE TURTLE FREE!!!!

Step 8:
snip twisty wire around weapon
repeat with 2nd weapon

Step 9: the skateboard

snip twisty wire from rt front wheel
snip twisty wire from lt front wheel
snip twisty wire from middle of board
snip twisty wire from lt back wheel
snip twisty wire from rt back wheel
YAY!! you did it!

Step 10: explain that the skateboard isnt going to work until you put batteries in it! Hear your child beg for you to hurry because he needs the skateboard!

Step 11: Sacrifice some batteries from something of yours since the damn thing doesnt come with free ones!

Step 12:
get screwdriver...
unscrew about 2 to 4 screws depending on toy
insert batteries~!
reinstall the cover by screwing the screws back in!

Step 13: hand over the battery loaded toy to the overly anxious toy.

Step 14: sit down! relax!

Step 15: help your child because he cant get the 2 lb turtle to stand up on this little skateboard!
attach turtles feet to the 2 tiny pegs on the board...
turn on
set the toy down and watch it go 2 feet before the way too heavy turtle falls off of the board that is going way too fast for any kid to play with!

Step 16: try again! you kid hasnt given up just yet!
Step 17: watch your kid get pissed off because he still cant keep the turtle on the board and he cant catch the damn thing before it crashes into a wall.


Step 18: sit down again...take some motrin or a shot or whatever you do to calm your nerves/headache!

Step 19: reclaim your batteries and put toy in closet since it sucks and your kid is now over it! (this will require the screwdriver again)

Step 20: just as you sit down...kick your feet up and notice that your favorite show is on tv....look over to see what the heck your kid is talking about now...

Step 21: get your tools back out cause heres the new monster truck! UGHHHHH

you might be tired... you might hate the toy companies for making it so hard to get the dang toys out of the boxes!!! But...you will look at your kid and see those puppy dog eyes and you will miss your favorite show and make your achin bones wait another hour before they can rest ...and you will repeat all the necessary steps to get the next toy out...

WHY???

eventually when all the excitement dies down you will have a little person climbing onto your lap...little arms will wrap around your neck and hear i love you from your favorite little voice.,..and it will all be worth it!!!!
You're the best!

Scary pirate lobsters!

So...in case you are wondering why the heck I am writing a blog at 5:20 am when I should be sleeping in! Its my day off from watching my friends son...maybe Im excited to take my son to go see CARS finally!!! yes thats true but not the reason Im awake.

Here is why....Im sure you will be amused!
Jeff gets up to go to work and normally he doesnt wake me up for anything...not today...this morning I wake up to "Babe, you arent gonna believe this!" Hes already got the lights on..."theres a lobster on the floor!"

I pop up and sure enough...see a blurry little lobster crawling very slowly...on our floor!

The other day at wal mart dakota and matt were so amused by these tiny red lobsters that we got 2 of them. and a tank. and of course a pirate ship for them to live in etc.
We have had them about 3 days.

they must have walked the plank! Up the filter and out the hole in the back of the lid! Now you have to know that we dont keep the tank in our room. This sucker crawled from the living room...down the hall and into our room and almost under our bed! Thats a hike for a lobster the size of a french fry!

So Jeff is trying to catch him and hes freakin out cause it is a bit freaky first thing in the morning! We finally get him back in the tank... But guess what...his shipmate is missing too! GRRR! What the heck! There goes all hopes of going back to sleep! Now Im walking thru the house with a flashlight looking for this thing! I havent found him though... Should I wake up the dogs and have them sniff around? Or maybe just grab dakota and put him in my bed and try to get some sleep?(dakotas bed is low so Im afraid that he might wind up cuddling with a lobster!)

Of course the lobster we did catch is really pissed right now cause I took his ladder away and he cant escape anymore! haha..if he does...well maybe he'd be happier in the toilet!
Or maybe i should just put him outside and take him for a walk!

You do realize that right now...as i type this there is an escape scary pirate lobster on the loose in my house! I have put my search on hold for now since i dont see him anywhere! But im sure it will make me crazy for at least the rest of the day!

My steamy poem.

Turn off the TV
turn off the light...
doin it in the day
but, can't wait until night.

Clear off the bed
lift up the sheets,
turn on the fan
cause I can feel the heat!

Movin the bed til it hits the wall
Let the phone ring
dont answer that call

put away the toys
im working up a sweat
Ill be back in here tomorrow
how much you wanna bet?

bound to drive me crazy
dont know if I should scream
or cry..

But so far this sounds so good...
So I'll bet you're wondering
WHY!?

I've got a little secret
I'll tell you what it is...
Im just cleaning the room
that belongs to my kids!~

Just taking a break from cleaning and thought this would be funny!
Even though cleaning their room today SUCKED!
ITs HOT and everytime i rearrange anything i break the bed frame and
today when it broke the nails popped the batmobile bed!
WONDERFUL! i pretty much had to take EVERYTHING out of their room and
start over!

And of coure while im trapped in the room from hell dakota wants to
ask if I can come make him a bowl of ice cream.... i cant even get out
of the bedroom!!!

Attack of the killer puffer fish!

so... our newest adventure is a tall hexagon fishtank for jeff...
Yes since he isn't allowed to have a pitbull/rotweiler in our tiny apartment...he has grown quite fond of fish!

I have had aquariums for years. Jeff on the other hand is totally new to it all.

So last weekend the tank was all set up.. I took my man on a field trip to the pet store. He picked out his new best friends. His favorite being a silver fin shark.

Now, I know that some fish shouldn't be with others but for some reason I usually have a tank full of fish from all categories living in harmony as long as they have the rigt set up. I have no idea how I make that work...but with enough hiding spots I guess it does.

So the fish are in the tank..everything is great.. we go to walmart for something and end up grabbing a couple of extra fish.

The wal*mart "fish specialist" says not to get a ciclid... which is obvious. But he has no problem selling us the cutest little puffer fish..


This guy is cute... hovering around the tank slowly like a little car from the Jetsons cartoon...
No warnings.. have a nice day and a big yellow wal*mart smiley face.

All is good... after all the shuffeling of rocks and plants the tank finally settles and is clear. We even have a skeleton who gets bubbles blown up his rear until he pops up out of his barrel!
Very cute.

Monday. all good
Tuesday. we notice someones nipping the fins off of our beta...which we figured might happen but Jeff didnt really mind too much since he apparently had some sort of disagreement with "Fred #2". So I guess payback was a bitch...

anyway we take poor fred #2 out.

Wednesday. Jeffs FAVORITE and the biggest and fastest fish we have is missing! Where is my SHARk?
We have no idea whats going on but 2 yes 2 fairly large fish are gone.
No blood
no bones.
no sign.

Of course jeff is pissed and sad.
I use my CSI skills on the tank and find nothing in the filter or under any rocks.

There was no sign of a struggle...no guilty chihuahuas or kids...

The cute little puffer fish just swam around..the size of a Green Jelly Bean.

That cute little F#$&%r ATE BOTH OF THE MISSING FISH!

So...if you are ever pruchasing fish from a Wal*Mart *Fish specialist* Do not fall for the cuteness of the KILLER PUFFER FISH! If you do you will be looking at an empty tank!